Faint
by keisan
Summary: KaixRei! SEQUEL TO 'NUMB! Chapter 5 Yes another VERY late chapter,heh what can I say? This is the last chapter, Kai and Rei's relationship hasn't improved it's rockier than ever, so there'll be conclusions made and new beginnings. R&R, thx!
1. Default Chapter

Faint  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade or it's characters, nor do I own Linkin Park and their song 'Faint'.  
  
Author's Note: Hey all!!!! I'm soooo sooooo sorry I haven't yet written the sequel you all asked for and certainly do deserve because of all the wonderful reviews you all gave me for 'Numb'. I've been quite busy with homework and other crap going on (I know it's not a reason, more like an excuse..don't hurt me....*coughs nervously* -_-;;). Well anyways..shoot I gotta go get more tea hehe -_-;;...but here is the sequel you've all been waiting for. And just so you know, this first chapter will be kind of a brief informative filler mostly of the tournament, but it'll also help the pave the road for the plot.  
  
Ps. I apologize for the difficulty some readers experienced due to the fact that my computer was acting all funky making those symbols and stuff appear rather than the quotes and such that should've appeared. I'm not exactly sure how to fix that..um if anyone knows than maybe you could tell me how to fix it. The program I'm using is Microsoft Word '97, if that helps any.  
  
~_~_~_~ - refers to a memory  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
*~*~*  
  
I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard  
  
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact that everybody can see  
  
these scars  
  
I am what I want you to want what I want you to feel  
  
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe  
  
this is real  
  
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do  
  
Face away and pretend that I'm not  
  
But I'll be here cause you want what I've got  
  
*~*~*  
  
I kneeled carefully (minding my injuries) on my bed, gazing out the glass pane that was my window, thinking about the tournament. And of course the night before the tournament. Swallowing the bitterness that now held a current residence within me, due to a certain 'mistake', I sighed somewhat frustrated. Of course, the mistake I was referring to was the ever aloof, and icy cold captain of the team which I was on, the Bladebreakers. I couldn't seem to get him out of my head. He'd caused me the worst heartbreak ..well only heartbreak, since I've never really had any lovers before him, I've ever experienced.  
  
Kai Hiwatari: the former Russian captain of our team, with a tragic past and cold demeanor. He could literally could put anyone in their place, and Tyson, the spirit of the team, usually bore the brunt of his annoyance and bitterness.  
  
The World Tournament in Russia had ended in quite an interesting way. We were all surprised we pulled through gaining the title of 'World Champions', considering I was greatly injured and our best blader had betrayed us to persue something that was obviously more important to him than friendship and love. Being one of the most set-in-his-ways types could really be a downer sometimes, but he was pretty experienced in life, despite not being much older than the rest of us. And nothing could really stop him when he was persuing a life long dream. I just wish things hadn't ended between us so quickly. Kai was hard all the way through, and very few have seen what I've seen of him. I suppose those whom he trusted would be those that he would let in.  
  
Anyway, as for the tournament, Kai took a spot on the Demolition Boys' team and faced the competition with enough vicious vigor to claim all of our bitbeasts. He believed that none of his victims deserved their bitbeasts, their power and that he was the only one worthy. Sounds pretty pompous, eh? I thought so. But it hurt, to know that this blader, whom I both looked up to and was completely in love with would betray us, betray me. I remember the look in his eyes as he faced each opponent, none of which knew what Kai had become, I pitied them. He held this cold look, completely heartless, and unconcerned. Even when he caught my glance, I couldn't find a single bit of true emotion in those glazed eyes, it was like he wasn't even him anymore. It was like we had never been together, which of course had helped his social skills and tolerance for the team. He was becoming a little more mellow, not terribly so, but enough for at least Max, Kenny and I to notice. I doubt Tyson would've noticed, as he tends to have food on his mind twenty-four seven. Either that or bickering with Kai or thinking about Max. Yes, I have been aware of the pair's attraction towards one another, I thought it was kind of sweet.  
  
I'm off track again. So, after the whole thing with Kai-on-a-rampage- stealing-bitbeasts-and-obsessed-with-the-power-of-Black-Dranzer, Tyson was pretty pissed off, so of course, in the typical Tyson style, he wanted nothing more than to challenge him. Kai beat him to it, however, he gave us a message, that he wanted to challenge the team and prove that he was the most powerful beyblader in the world. He battled me first in Siberia, on that frozen, or partially anyways, lake. I had wanted nothing more than to get it over with, I was upset and angry and hardly wanted to see him at such a time. It didn't take him long to wear me out, our beybattle lasted only a couple of minutes, but before he finished me off, I thought I caught a glimpse of pained emotion shining through. It shocked me. I didn't think he'd cared about what his actions would do to us, I mean just up and left me the night before the tournament, why would he start to care now?  
  
The words he whispered before he left me echoed in my head, "It's not you Rei, not you at all. It's not the others either. I do care, but this is my life. Everything I've been through has led up to this point," He stood up to go back inside and said quietly, "I will be with the Demolition Boys' team, but I hope to return to you someday Rei, if you'll ever forgive me. Please don't tell the others, they will find out soon enough. Goodbye.. Rei-chan."  
  
The memory brought back the tears I'd suppressed. I wiped my cheeks and laid down on our bed ---my bed. Kai had finished the battle, and then faced Tyson. Unfortunatly Tyson lost, but we were graced with Max's presence as he came right in the nick of time. However, Max also lost, and just when Kai thought he'd claimed his victory, Tyson pulled out his Dranzer. Kai was surprised to say the least. I could almost remember a pained expression as he saw his old blade, and was almost certain he felt ashamed for abandoning her. Dranzer had been his companion for most of his life, and they were an unstoppable team. But Kai would rather have had Black Dranzer for his power. Power that ultimately consumed Kai in the end.  
  
Their battle had been intense, but in the end Tyson won. The ice was cracking from the blows it received from the battling bitbeasts, and Kai was sinking fast. Worried, we all dashed forward to help our wayward former captain, but he was so overcome with shame and disgrace with himself, he would not accept our help. Tyson helped him see past it somehow, and I may have shot him a look of hurt and worry that convinced him to accept our help. We pulled him back up onto the ice, and he acknowledged our assistance. He quickly got onto his helicoptor, assuring us he planned to return Black Dranzer to his grandfather.  
  
We didn't see Kai for awhile, at least not really until Tyson's final battle with Tala. He made his appearances subtle, but Tyson did mention that Kai, Lee and Robert had done some training with him. I'm guessing Kai was a little uncomfortable coming back, especially since I was still deeply hurt, so he stayed away from us as much as possible. However the night before Tyson's battle with Tala came rolling into my mind.  
  
~_~_~_~_~  
  
Journal,  
  
I shiver as the sharp, piercing wind penetrated through my thin sweater, but have no desire to hide inside where it is warm. Kai's in there, and I don't feel like speaking to him. Kai just came back today from wherever he's been retreating to, and unfortunately the others aren't willing to give up their rooms for him to stay in. I swear the bunch of clowns can be so bloody selfish sometimes, I'm sorry, I'm just angry right now.  
  
My emotions are all messed up, and I haven't been sleeping well. Plus, the tournament finals being tomorrow doesn't really improve things that much. I'm stressed I think. I should go and practice some yoga or meditate, but that would require being around Kai, since he's stuck in my room. Jerk. I know nobody really knows about Kai and me, or rather our previous relationship, but I feel like my pain's being ignored, or maybe some god just hates me somewhere. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve this pain, probably do, I'm not sure what I did, but then again I'm not sure about a lot of things now. Will Kai betray us again? Are we even accepting him? I mean I know we all want him back, except for me, it's just too much, but is he really the captain again? Or will he abandon us again when we need him the most? Maybe I ought to understand where he's coming from more, afterall, I am supposed to be the level-headed one on this team, calm and peacekeeper-ish.  
  
I think Kai can see my discomfort though. He's always been able to see through me, it doesn't seem fair sometimes. I think he feels bad, though he does not show it much. I can't believe how much I miss that bastard. It makes me giddy to remember how he held and touched me, but just pisses me off that I can't seem to get it in my head that he's just trouble, not worth it. It's like my head says one thing but my heart says another. Doesn't that sound cliché.  
  
................  
  
Oh shit! Kai just came out, he's going to find me. I'll write more later.  
  
Kon Rei.  
  
I looked down from my spot on the tree branch to see Kai looking up at me with a curious glance. That was usually my forte, it doesn't quite suit him, but he did look cute with that expression. Agh! Think angry thoughts! I am pissed off! I do not want anything to do with the jerk for as long as I live! But those eyes.... Aghhh! I'm driving myself insane! Kai seemed to notice the various expressions I must've been wearing, because he hopped up on the tree with me.  
  
I looked at him. What was he doing?  
  
He didn't seem to be able to conjure up any words of explanation, so I figured maybe he would if I asked.  
  
"What do you want?" I spat out harsher than I wanted.  
  
He looked down, but resumed his old emotionless expression.  
  
"You should go back inside, you'll get sick."  
  
"Whatever, since when do you care anyway?"  
  
He winced, I almost felt bad, almost. Then I thought up something cruel.  
  
"It's not like it matters. If I manage to freeze to death, maybe I can move on with some dignity and not have to deal with this shit anymore."  
  
His eyes widened. I never usually played with suicidal thoughts like that, at least not out-loud.  
  
Despite the remorse expression, it didn't look like he was going to apologize, I would've have bought that anyway. I don't see myself ever taking the bastard back. He hurt me and nobody, especially not him, will ever hurt me like that again. I will not let it happen. I can't bear it. It hurts too much. My head was starting to throb and I could feel the sniffles building up. I was going to be sick the next day, I knew it. My injuries I'd gotten from battle were still present, the doctors hadn't wanted to let me out but I insisted. Unfortunately, I also didn't know that getting sick, having to heal for that as well as healing for my injuries, would land me in the hospital the next day.  
  
I carefully climbed out of the tree, dragging my crutches awkwardly, but getting the hang of it after a few fumbles. I hopped on the crutches towards the hotel room, leaving Kai out there. Maybe he's got an idea of how I've felt.  
  
As I reached the door, my journal fell out of my sweater pocket, and I leant down to pick it up when another hand got there before I did. I caught Kai's gaze as he picked the little white notebook out of the fluffy snow. He handed the book to me gently, before opening the door for me. My cheeks burned with embarrassment and guilt, even though I should'nt have felt guilty in the least, it was more or less in my nature.  
  
I glanced behind me as I hobbled down the corridor towards the elevator, catching Kai's intense crimson eyes on me. I blushed, but shook my head and glared at him. How dare he try to be all nice as if nothing happened! Selfish bastard! Selfish ..hot....passionate...sexy bastard. Dammit! I mentally smacked myself and decided if I thought up anymore 'unclean' thoughts, I would be sure to run out infont of the next passing bus in the street and hope for the best. With that, I headed towards my room.  
  
~_~_~_~_~  
  
My crutches laid up against the bed post, (I still needed them but would be off them pretty soon) and I idly wondered if they'd fall over and knock me out, then I would definitely be unable to think anymore. I just wanted to sleep, so tired.........  
  
I'd been dreaming of something nice, a hot Russian with muscular biceps and abs (A/n: Mmm..lol wonder who that could be?) , when the bed shifted slightly. Too tired to care who it was, I shifted over and turned towards the wall. A sudden warmth covered my cold body, and I slept more soundly.  
  
*~*~*  
  
(I can't feel the way I did before)  
  
(Don't turn your back on me)  
  
(I won't be ignored)  
  
(Time won't heal this damage anymore)  
  
(Don't turn your back on me)  
  
(I won't be ignored)  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/n: Continue? Comments please! Again, soooo sorry for the supremely long wait hehe. Hoped that made up. I'll update soon as I can! Ja.  
  
P.S. THANK YOU ALL SOOO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED AND ENJOYED THE PREQUEL TO THIS, 'NUMB'! ^_^ YOU ALL ROCK!  
  
Keisan 


	2. Rejection and Regret

Faint  
  
A/n: Ah yes, I am finally updating -_-; gomen nasaii! Soooo sorry! Ya know, there is absolutely no time at this time of year to do next to anything, honestly.. Anyway, here is your chapter that I have ruthlessly kept you waiting for, gomen ne -_-; Oh and THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU TO ALL REVIEWERS!!!!  
  
p.s. TODAY I SAW 'LOTR: Return of the King'!!!! Let me just say, it was an excellent piece of work!! Everyone must see it!  
  
*()*()*()*()* - means change of POV; either Kai or Rei's, depending on who it starts with  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Colours, lightening and darkening all at once, surrounding me..... Blinking, I attempted to cover my sleep-filled eyes with the duvet covering me, up to my shoulders. I also noted the nice warm body located next to me.... nice and comfy.... Cripes!? Who is that?  
  
My eyes widdened as I opened my eyes, feeling a little more awake at this stage. What the heck?! Deep midnight blue hair, streaked with light grey blue, laid short and tousled across the other pillow next to mine. There's only one person who has hair like that. Kai.  
  
I felt the anger rush back to me in an angry torrent, but my current position prevented me from taking any action. He was lying infront of me, with a strong arm draped around my waist, holding me gently but not enough that I could squeeze out of his grip. The anger within me fought with the passion I felt for him at that moment, and the strong desire to want to stay like that forever and ever. My eyes studied his pale Russian complexion, his pale pink lips seemed to call my name, and the triangles on his face were gone, making him seem more fragile than in reality. His facial features gave off the look of an angelic cherub, especially with that slight blush on his cheeks...blush? I must be seeing things.  
  
I must've stared at him for a good forty five minutes, taking in every single piece of his delicate complexion. By then, I knew every crevice, slope and tiny hair on his face, and I don't think I could ever forget even if I wanted to.  
  
As I studied down his face, over his neck, spotting part of his muscular chest that peeked through the warm blankets, something snatched my attention away. At first glance it was a flash of garnet, then I fearfully realized it was his open eyes. I felt my cheeks heat up, and tried to look away quickly, unfortunately he'd already seen me. I attempted to break his grip to get out of the room as soon as I could, otherwise I was sure I'd loose control of myself.  
  
*()*()*()*()*  
  
I already knew he was awake. I could tell by the way his breathing sped up. I almost wished I'd woken up with him, perhaps take a look into those amber eyes of gold I missed for so long. I felt his gaze on me, studying me increduously. I suppose he has every reason to know why I was holding him, but it's so hard not to be affectionate with him, he's just that kind of kitten. Because of that, to me he was a fragile thing that gave love and needed love returned at the same time; I felt incredibly horrible about what I'd done to him. Worthlessness ought to be my middle name, afterall, that's what I am. Who in their right minds gives up the love of their lives over selfish ambition? I suppose that'd be me. Yeah! Way to screw up Kai! And wow, look, I'm a natural at it.  
  
After about forty five minutes, I felt his gaze drift...downwards. I wanted to laugh at that moment, so typical of him, curious as a kitten. I opened my eyes slightly to see him studying me intently, but couldn't discern the emotion in his eyes; that had become hidden and I was responsible. His ebony locks lay limply over the pillows, I hope he'll never get it cut. His Chinese complexion seemed dimmer than it was before, and I could distinguish some darkness under his eyes; he hadn't been sleeping, was it because of me? I mentally smacked myself, it must've been horrible for him, and it wasn't even his fault. Just as that thought passed, I noticed he glanced up at me and blushed. He struggled, and looked away, but my arm wouldn't move, as though I had lost control of it. After a moment, whatever emotions came, had passed. Rei, slowly pushed the covers off him, not looking at me, sat up and put his feet on the floor. He grabbed some clothes out of his drawer and vanished into the bathroom, locking it tightly behind him.  
  
I swallowed, he really had been deeply hurt. I'm not sure what I'd been expecting with my return, but this cold, outright rejection sure wasn't it. Unfortunately, I don't believe there was anything I could do, he had every right to be like this, it just shocked me. I didn't know he was capable of this cold hearted disposition, but I know I was. I felt like everything was falling to shambles all around me, and I had no control, I couldn't fix it, it was doing it all by itself. But I ask myself, 'Who started it all?'  
  
'You,' a quiet voice in my head answered back.  
  
'You brought this upon yourself, and there's nothing you can do about it. It's your fault, you started the chain reaction and you can't stop it. "Once you open a flood gate, how can you stop it?"'  
  
I sat up, blotting out the voices that tormented me and berated me for my stupid, selfish actions. I was not perfect, and what I did to Rei caused nothing but heartache for both of us. I don't what's right anymore, do I just leave Rei before I hurt him anymore? Do I abandon the team again? Or perhaps that is what they fear. Perhaps that is what Rei think will happen and he'll be hurt even more. Or do I stay and try to cope with things? The broken relationships, will they mend? Perhaps so, with much time and energy? Will it be worth it, will I be accepted? It took so long to form an unbroken connection with my teammates before, will I ever achieve that again? Or was my betrayal too much?  
  
My head was aching after awhile, and with all the thought put in, I still had no answers, just left with more questions. My heart hurt from rejection, and personal guilt. And my soul, well I think that was damned from the beginning, who knows where to start there.  
  
Rei came out of the bathroom moments later, the scent of Christmas time cinnamon and vanilla filled the air, no one else I knew smelt like that, just little Rei. His hair dripping with water was wrapped in a towel, and he was clad in his traditional Chinese clothing, headband in his nimble fingers. He was always a pleasing sight, but for some reason, my heart ached even more. He wasn't mine, he didn't want me and if I didn't do anything, it would forever remain that way.  
  
Rei pulled out his plain, worn hairbrush and began running it through the silky strands of his long raven mane. I remembered the time he was so frustrated with it, he looked as though he was going to rip it all out, that was when I stepped in to help him out. He always liked it when I brushed his hair, I knew that when he would start purring. The thought made me chuckle inwardly.  
  
Filled with a bit of glee from that memory, I stood up and walked to the mirror to help him. He looked at me with an odd glance, as I tried to take the brush. He grabbed it away from me however, and pushed me away with a venemous glare. Anger rose in my chest, I could not help it, I just do not take rejection well, and shoved him into the mirror. Glaring at him, I held him to the glass fist about to strike, but stopped as I realised with the look of pure fear in his cat-like eyes, what I was doing. I let him go, he backed away. He quickly finished brushing out the ebony locks, bound them and rushed out the bedroom door.  
  
My knees gave way, and I collapsed to the floor. What had I almost done?  
  
*~*~*  
  
I am a little bit insecure a little unconfident  
  
Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make  
  
sense  
  
I say what you never wanna say but I've never had a doubt  
  
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear  
  
me out  
  
So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do  
  
Face away and pretend that I'm not  
  
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/n: So, what'd ya think? I didn't really intend for the chapter to be that short, but I kind wanted to end it abruptly, to give it a dramatic and shocking effect. The next chapter should be up soon, so don't worry, it's Christmas holidays now, so I'll have some extra time in the daytime. My goal is to get at least 2-3 more chapters up, lol which leaves me to the wonderment of how long this fic will actually be. Anyway, here are all my thank-you replys. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, you guys are the best support ever!!!  
  
lone*phoenix1: Will do! ^_^ Thanks!!  
  
Faerex: Thank you! Continue I shall.  
  
narakunohime: Thank you!  
  
NEKO-me: Lol, I'll not torture you, fulfilled your wishes I have. (lol sheesh, I'm starting to sound like Yoda lol)  
  
sugarhighsquirrel: Lol, I feel so loved! Thank you! Linkin Park fans all the way!!!! Yeah!!  
  
meow: lol, me so glad you like! Is this 'real' soon? Lol, I hope so. Thank you!  
  
Lychee Fairy: You're welcome! I'm happy to do it! Kai's the greatest isn't he? I can live happily knowing this world would not be complete without him lol.  
  
Platinum Rei: Thank you!^_^ I hope this fic meets your expectations.  
  
AznWhiteTigerGrl: You bet right lol, and thank you!  
  
Black Magician Girl3: Lol thanks, hai, very hard to think clean thoughts when Kai's around, well same goes for Rei, at least in my book. Lol. Thank you!  
  
Heather Sutaki: Lol, I guess if I want to live out a full life I ought to keep going, being you know where I live and all... damn those phone books. Of course Linkin Park's songs rock, that why I chose em! Lol wow, I have a great title now, I like the sound of Keisan-sama, oooh I could definitely get used to this lol, jk. Thank you though! Hope this meets your demands!  
  
luckygal: I agree with you, Rei was always strong, well I argue not so much as Kai is, but not a complete weakling fool, if ya know what I mean. I tried to make Rei's character more or less as in character as he was in the show, because well that's why I always liked him. Thanks for your review!  
  
Harlequin Light: Thank you, will do!  
  
Insane Pluto: Lol thank you, updates will keep coming, I don't discontinue fics, and I hate it when people do.  
  
Ghetto fabulous: Hey! Thanks for your review! I really enjoy writing fics and including something mystical as dreams, hey I'm a dreamfilled person, what can I say? Oh and yes you did compliment, 'cute' is a compliment lol, thank you!  
  
kairii: Thank you! Meow lol.  
  
DragonBlade: Rei's a funny kinda guy lol, him and all his funny thoughts included. I definitely love Linkin Park in all their glorious, harmonious music, yep yep. Glad you do too lol. Thank you for the review, more chapters will come!  
  
I luv Kai: Wow, what a coincidence I love Kai too lol. Thank you! I am honoured by your praise of my humble scribblings lol, thank you!  
  
I will continue this, and reviews are always appreciated! Thank you all again! Ja for now!  
  
Keisan 


	3. Obsession

Faint  
  
A/n: Hehe. late update again eh? Guess there's no use apologizing. again! Ah, what can I say, pisces' are generally lazy creatures lol, we love our relaxing days off. I won't delay any longer... however, thank you very much to everyone who has stuck with this fic and it's prequel, and to those who review, it's really great! Thank you! - Individual thank yous are at the end of the chapter ^_~  
  
BY THE WAY: My friend tokikasurmari is writing some new fics that you all ought to check out, one in particular, a ReixKai fic. It should be out soon, can't wait to read it!  
  
*~*~*  
  
*()*()*()*  
  
I can't believe he almost did that. I knew he was pissed, well because he messed up, but I don't really know how sorry he really is either. But seriously! He's NEVER attempted to hit me before, never. He was always so protective especially after that beybattle I had with Bryan so long ago. I just can't believe it. What's happening to us? I mean, now that I think of it, he started it all. He's the one who left, who abandoned me, and now something's driving him to get me back, but now he's trying to hurt me. Maybe I ought to just leave, that way I won't be caught in his obsession, maybe then he'll move on. I still love him, I know I do, and I think he loves me too, but something just isn't working. Maybe we're just not compatable. I just don't know.  
  
It just doesn't feel like it did before. I knew for a fact that he loved me so much he would never even attempt to hurt me, though I believe he still loves me, I think it's more obsession than love, otherwise he'd let me go, let me be free. Or maybe he's so obsessed that he just can't let go. I don't know what to do anymore.  
  
I felt the tears brimming in my eyes, 'This is not a time to cry,' I thought.  
  
I padded my way down the stairs, taking note of the various sounds echoing throughout the house. It seems Tyson has run out of his favourite kids cereal. What a kid! I swear, so immature, but then, he's a good friend, so I suppose I tolerate him, not to mention his amusing outbursts.  
  
Apparently Max is comforting his distraught friend, I can hear him bringing up spontanous ideas to allow the Japanese boy to temporary forget his immediate hunger. Laughing slightly, I shook my head and continued hobbling down the stairs. Crap! Forgot my crutches, but I certainly don't have any intention to return to that tense, and now, somewhat dangerous bedroom of mine.and Kai's unfortunatly. Think happier thoughts. Must keep up a believable front for the others.  
  
When I stumbled into the room, holding on to various stable objects as I scrambled in, I was met with a teary-eyed Tyson, who seemed to be praying mourning the lost soul of his sugary cereal's former outter shell.  
  
"Ah that cereal box lived a short life," Max said regrettably, hiding a small grin.  
  
Tyson nodded and continued praying for it's lost soul to find it's own paradise. After which, he stood up, took Max's hand and declared they had to go on a shopping trip.  
  
Tyson turned to me, "Hey Rei, how ya doing? Max and I are going shopping to get food, you wanna come?"  
  
I smiled, "Yeah sure, why not?"  
  
Then Max piped up, "Hey Rei, where're your crutches? I don't think you'll be able to get very far without them." By then, Tyson had gone into the hallway to find his shoes, I could hear him tossing various shoes out of the closet.  
  
"Ehm. well I left them upstairs," I answered.  
  
Then I heard Tyson call from the hallway, "By the way, where's the Sourpuss, Rei?"  
  
I bit my lip, and said nonchalantly, "Ah upstairs still, I think he was meditating or something."  
  
Max looked at me oddly, he suspected something, 'Just great,' I thought.  
  
"Well you'd better go get your crutches then right?" Max said with a suspicious glance.  
  
"Ehm. no, you know what? I think I'm cured, I don't need them," I replied unevenly. I wasn't going back in that room if I could help it, I'll even sleep on the couch if I have to.  
  
"Rei, c'mon, what's the big deal? You obviously will not get very far without them, you have to get your crutches if you're coming," Max said objectively.  
  
I looked down at my feet, hand still holding onto the counter. I didn't want to stay behind with Kai, who knew what he'd do? He almost hit me before, I mean, what's to stop him from doing something else harmful to me? Maybe he was just biding his time so he could beat me while everyone was gone! The thought made me shudder.  
  
"Rei? Are you alright?" Max asked in concern.  
  
"Yeah, I'm okay.. Could you just ..ehm.. get my crutches for me? Please!" I pleaded.  
  
Max's raised an eyebrow, "Okay but, you're telling me what's going on as soon as we get a private conversation."  
  
I nodded but was thankful anyway. 'Oh boy, this could be bad,' I thought.  
  
Tyson walked into the room with a grin, holding out his shoes, "Found 'em."  
  
"Great Tyson, I'll be right back 'kay? I'm just gonna get Rei's crutches for him, he forgot to get them," Max replied.  
  
"Okay then."  
  
I sat down at the table with a relieved sigh, and wondered how this thing would turn out. I mean now, I have to tell someone. I know I can trust him not to tell Tyson, but it's just, what'll he think of me now? I mean, he never knew I was 'different' before. I know he's not straight, so he probably won't be too judgemental, but still! It's nerve-wracking.  
  
Minutes later, Tyson outside waiting, Max came down with a disturbed look on his pale features. I raised an eyebrow but he just shook his head, "Later," he muttered, and put a forced smile on as he handed me my crutches.  
  
~~Later~~  
  
It's been about an hour since we got to the store, I swear Tyson has to try everything! Right now I hate all those free sample stands, arg! But the thought makes me laugh, at least Max is here, and though I am supremely nervous about the upcoming 'private conversation', Tyson's lightheartedness and simple nature allows me to think of other things for the moment.  
  
We had just sat down from walking around for the past hour, which relieved me greatly. My arms were rather tired, using crutches definitely builds your upper body strength, that's for sure (A/n: No kidding, been there, done that!).  
  
Unfortunately Tyson had run off again, and I nearly got up with Max to grab him as he scurried off, until of course Max grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me back into my chair. I glanced at him, and he shook his head.  
  
"Let him go, he'll be back. Actually, now I was thinking we could have that 'private conversation', since Tyson'll be occupied for awhile."  
  
"Huh? How do you know?" I asked.  
  
He just pointed across the way to where a gigantic cake was sitting in the window of some store.  
  
"Ah."  
  
"So ." He started.  
  
"Okay, this is how I see things right now, alright Rei. You're obviously avoiding Kai for some reason or another, because you wouldn't normally forget something as important as your crutches at the moment, unless you wanted to leave a situation fast. As for Kai, well when I went into your room to get your crutches, he kind of looked at me, probably thinking I was you at first, with this extremely sympathetic and sorry look. So what I'm guessing is you two had some fight about something, am I getting warmer?"  
  
I looked at my feet, "Yeah, sort of."  
  
"What do you mean 'sort of'? Either I'm right or I'm wrong. C'mon Rei, what's the problem? You're not the only one who can give advice you know, even the most capable person needs some advice sometimes," Max said patiently.  
  
I rubbed my temples and thought for a moment, he was right.  
  
"I mean, you're right about the fight thing, but there's so much more to it than what you're seeing, which is only the tip of the ice berg. Umm .. Okay ..I'm just sort of going on instinct here, ahem.. What do you think of Tyson? I mean, how do you feel about him?"  
  
His eyes widened, and he turned his head to cover what I figured was a blush.  
  
"It's okay, I mean, I'm not going to be judgemental or anything," I reassured him.  
  
"Ahh.. Well uh... I think I sort of like him ... as in 'like like' him," he said with a blush.  
  
I felt a smile creep up on my lips, "I had a feeling you did, it didn't take much guessing."  
  
He narrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "Then, why did you ask?"  
  
It was my turn to blush. "Ehm.. It's sort of the same with Kai and me. 'Cept somewhat further than that."  
  
Understanding dawned upon the blond haired boy's face, and he grinned. "I see."  
  
But his smile turned to a frown when he saw the distraught look I gave him, "It ended awhile ago, when he left."  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry." "It's okay."  
  
"But I still don't understand, I mean, I know you're probably upset the relationship has ended, but you can't avoid him forever you know," Max said.  
  
"Well, you see, it didn't really end, well it kind of did, but it didn't. We still have feelings for each other, but I'm pretty ticked, as you probably figured, that he just left me like that, broken hearted. And now that he's come back, he seemed legitimately sorry, but I don't know if I can accept that just yet, I mean, is he really sorry? Or will he just leave again? I just don't know anymore. He slept beside me last night and everything was fine I guess, but it's like he took advantage thinking everything was forgiven, but it's not. Then this morning, I was really angry with him, and while I was getting ready, brushing my hair, he tried to help me. That's what he used to do when we were together, it was sooo nice." I drifted off.  
  
Max smiled and nodded, "And?"  
  
"Huh? Oh yeah, and then when I didn't let him brush my hair and pushed him away, he got angry and shoved me into the mirror. And then he went to do something I thought he would never do to me, I mean since that fight with Bryan, he's been so protective and all.. But this morning, he...he almost hit me. It scared the shit out of me, I mean look at him, you know what he could do to me?!" I said remembering how scared I felt at that moment.  
  
Max's eyes were wide, and he shook his head. "Wow, I mean, this is you, and Kai.. Just I can't see that happening, Kai would never hurt his friends, especially you. He always did seem a lot closer and friendlier to you even before."  
  
"I know, I think he liked me because I was one of the few people in this world who understood him. I don't know that I do anymore. It feels like everything is falling apart," I said stiffling a sniffle.  
  
"It's okay Rei, we'll figure it out."  
  
"And now, the thing is, yes I am appalled that he almost did that, but I still care for him, oh I love him so much. What does that say about me?"  
  
Max smiled, "It just says you're very compassionate, and you don't give up on people even if they make mistakes. When I walked into the room, Kai looked like he was going to burst into tears, VERY strange for Kai, but that's what it looked like. Take some time, sleep in someone else's room tonight, 'kay?"  
  
I nodded glumly, "I'm sleeping on the couch. Though, for the way he acted, he should be the one who should sleep on the couch! Sheesh."  
  
Max grinned, "You're right, and when you're right you're right. Tyson and I will get him outta there for ya."  
  
"Nah I'll do it," I said determined.  
  
*~*~* (I can't feel the way I did before)  
  
(Don't turn your back on me)  
  
(I won't be ignored)  
  
(Time won't heal this damage anymore)  
  
(Don't turn your back on me)  
  
(I won't be ignored) (Now)  
  
(Hear me out now)  
  
(You're gonna listen to me, like it or not)  
  
(Right now)  
  
(Hear me out now)  
  
(You're gonna listen to me, like it or not)  
  
(Right now) (I can't feel the way I did before)  
  
(Don't turn your back on me)  
  
(I won't be ignored)  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/n: Well? Was it okay? I'm trying to make this as realistic as possible with all the ups and downs, aquaintances and friends all get involved. Plus I figured Rei needs some support in this, he's in shambles right now, poor neko-jin! Meh, why not eh? Sorry again for the late update, there will be more, just hold on. Thank you all for reading, and hopefully some reviews may come my way for this, one can only hope, THANK YOU ALL! I hope I got everyone's dedicated thank yous!  
  
Lychee Fairy: Lol yes Kai's a kinky kinda guy eh? No prob about the review, anyone who writes deserves some advice and/or criticism. Thank you for the review! Muchly appreciated! ^_^  
  
Hathor Sekhmet Strife: I'm special I get to live! Lol, yeah I know you're kidding, it's all in good fun. I honestly don't know about V-Force, I've seen a few episodes, and even tried to make a point of watching it everyday, but I just don't have the time. But honestly, I really don't like the V-Force eps. they ruined their beautiful colouring and character design!!!! * cries * It hurts my soul. Thank you thank you! Lol, compliments galore, it's so nice! ^_^ * blush * lol. By the way, I really like your member name, Egyptian eh? It's really cool! Thanks again for your review, talk to ya on the flip side!  
  
Hiwatari Rei: I like your name too! Lol, to answer your review, I know it's very sad, but I have a thing for pain and angst, maybe I'm sadistic or something hehe. I didn't think 'Titanic' was that sad, well at first I made fun of it, celebrating when Jack dies (YAY!) lol jk jk, but I watched it last month and it actually made me sad, so yeah I can empathize with ya. Though it wasn't really every last human being on earth drowning, that's more like 'Water World' lol. Ahh but lovers that are kept apart, I think that their relationship grows more and they develop a better understanding of themselves, their lives and each other. Thanks for the review! ^_^  
  
CRaZy NeKO-JiN: I am honoured lol, it's nice to know you're liking this, it gives it more meaning you know. Ooh a fellow angst lover, well obviously many other readers here enjoy it as well, but I'm just noting it for now, lol. This chapter was for you, as you requested more Rei POV ^_~ Lol, yeah LP! Thanks for the review!  
  
SoulSister: Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review. I really like movies that make you think, with all those numerous and complex plotlines(okay maybe this story isn't that complex, but anyway), so I try to make my work as labrynth-like as I can. Thank you for the angst-plot compliment as well, I don't usually put a whole lot of thought into a story before hand, I usually lay out the first chapter, but the story kinda comes out on it's own, quite amazing actually. Thank you for your review! ^_^  
  
OHMYYAOIGOD: So glad you like! Happy Christmas to you too, tho it's a little late now ^_^;; that's okay. Lol, oh and yes, I hope I fulfilled your request with updating another chapter. Thank you so much for your review!^_^  
  
I luv Kai: Don't worry, Kai's currently very confused about things, and very sorry, I tell you. And don't worry, good stories don't end with ".and they broke up and everyone was sad." Trust me. Lol. Thank you so much for your review.  
  
DragonBlade: Yeah Rei was a tad bit bitter, tho I believe he had every right to be, ya know. Hope this met your standards, thank you very much for your review! lone*phoenix1: Okay okay! Keep your hat and knickers on! Lol, I wrote this didn't I? I assure you, I will never leave a fanfic unfinished. well sometimes it'll take me awhile, but I always finish what I start. Thanks for your review!  
  
Ghetto fabulous: Hey friend! Lol, wow, I feel so special! I'm getting death threats for my work now!!! Lol, you're the second person! No wonder all those famous people are murdered, people who send them threats actually go through with it. Thank you tho. Lol, you know they have re-hab for ax murderers with killing spree obsessions lol jk jk. And I know you're kidding, chill. So it was YOU who stol e my plastic mechetti?! I'll kill you! Hehe.jk jk. Ooooh Linkin Park concert in Toronto rocked, saw it last Saturday! So yes, they do rock lol. Oh and Kai's not a killer, just in need of therapy. Lol, but I'm glad you had some type of reaction to the scene, it's nice to know I've created something that realistic seeming, actually I wrote that part really fast, like I was extremely nervous or something, very strange. And aye, I like to connect with my readers, because I'm their readers too, so in effect we're all friends with something in common. Glad you like! Thanks for your review!  
  
Lady Snowblossom: Thank you so much, I really do try to capture their emotions as best I can, kind of refering back to myself and how I would feel and react in their situation. Unrealistic, in my situation, but works out very well in theirs. It does seem like they have lost the best thing that happened to them, I mean, Kai opened up because of Rei, and Rei had somebody to love because of Kai. He's just a loving person who needs to love (Rei that is), at least that's how I see it. Thank you so much for you review!  
  
Shaka Dragomir Nocturnus: Thank you very much, thanks for your review! Hope I updated soon enough lol.  
  
Insane Pluto: I know what you mean, you just wanna grab that person, or hire a muse to do it for you, to nag and nag until they finish their great story lol. And I know what you mean about never having time to work on your fics, I'm in grade 11 and I'm really busy nowadays, with working, plus lessons, courses and homework. Luckily tho, it's exam week and I had both my exams on Tuesday. I sympathize for those who aren't as lucky as I got. Thank you very much for your review! Hope you get to update your fics soon! ^_^  
  
Kara the Half Wolf: I know it's been a long while since I've updated, very sorry about that. It's sad that beautiful things like such a compatable relationship end, I agree, but hey, conflict, angst and plot, are all very good friends lol. Of course, Kai can have Rei, that's just the way I see it, but even when things are down and don't look good for the good side, the most unlikely of things occur, and though not in real life usually, but in stories, things have a way of coming out for the better, don't worry, they haven't forsaken each other. Lol, you don't have to beg either, chill! Thanks so much for your review! Hope this is good for your standards. ^_^ 


	4. Oblivious Betrayals and Ponderings

Faint  
  
A/n: New chapter for ya. Sorry for the long wait! I've actually had this sitting in my file since last Friday(13!), all done, but I spent some time fixing it a bit so everything corresponded and there were no grammar or spelling errors, at least I hope there aren't. Enjoy! ^_^  
  
Raking my hands through my hair for the hundredth time, I glanced at the clock, Max said he, Tyson and Rei were going out to the store, and he mentioned something about Tyson getting his sugary cereal. For the last couple hours, I'd been thinking about what happened, I mean, with Rei and me. I know I still love him and I just.... I just lost it this morning, I can't believe I almost hit him. What's wrong with me?!  
  
I struck out towards the wall, leaving a small dent in the pasty coloured flat surface. Maybe I ought to just end it all, I totally fucked up this thing I had with Rei, he obviously wants nothing to do with me, why the fuck am I putting myself through this?! Pacing around the room, I kicked in the drawers, and just chucked whatever I found lying around, which wasn't much, considering Rei would not tolerate a mess for very long. It was like he was allergic to untidyness and mess. The thought made me grin. Though, still pissed off, I probably looked sadistic like that.  
  
I went along just chucking things about- I had to do something, I was going out of my mind. At least if I made a mess, I could worry about cleaning it up before Rei got back and not about my relationship troubles. Now I didn't normally go through Rei's stuff, ever; we had this agreement, he doesn't go through my stuff and I don't go through his. We both liked our privacy like that. For some reason though, one thing I picked up, as I stalked around the room, notibly starting to perspire (it was warm in there!), was a little white furry notebook. Obviously it was Rei's, there's no way anyone else would own something that feminine, not that Rei was extremely feminine or anything ( 'well maybe a little,' I thought with a grin), but he was the only one with a girl who constantly attached herself to him whenever he had the unfortunate luck of running into her. The though made me growl low in the back of my throat, stupid pink haired whench! Current jealousy put aside, I looked at the book, and flipped the pages through. He wrote a lot. I'm pretty sure this was his 'journal' as he called it, the pages were adorned with flowery writing, I swear he writes like one of those amazing, writing-talented English teachers; the book was nearly half filled. (A/n: Just for simplicity's sake, let's just say he wrote in a common languague, that Kai would also be able to read, not necessarily English, but whatever you'd think it would be)  
  
I caught a glimpse of my name, I like how he wrote it, nevermind I like how he says it, almost like he says it with special care. I trailed my fingers over the carefully written enscription and wondered why he bothered to even write this stuff down, whatever it is he wrote. I began thinking....well, maybe if I just have a little look, I mean, it's not like he's ever hidden anything from me before, but I mean, we're technically not together anymore....but......maybe just a quick peek. I flipped through the pages, gazing from the oldest to the newest dates, the writing seemed a little sloppier as of late, it made me curious. I glanced at a couple of pictures that slipped out from the inside cover, one was of myself and Rei. It was fall time, and we'd been out for a walk that day, I remember, and we started throwing leaves at one another. Then that pink haired whench came out of nowhere and caught a snapshot. She then proceeded to run away from a cursing, and most notibly pissed off Rei, claiming once he caught her, she'd never have the shame to face 'the family' again. It was then that she knew about us, getting the picture of us........in a liplock was her proof. After that it was awkward with us, but I never liked her in the first place, she still believed, months after that, that she'd 'win' Rei back one day. I chuckled at the thought.  
  
The other pictures were of Rei as a baby, very cute, I must admit, Rei and Mao as children playing together, and a snapshot of Rei's first team- the White Tigers. I was tracing my fingers over the inscriptions of the years on the back, when I heard a sudden rumble. I glanced up to see out the window-raindrops beginning to fall, and the grey sky looming darkly above. I wondered when the group would be back, I wonder how Rei is...  
  
I was about to put the little book down, when I noticed a particular page, dated quite recently, but what was really noticeable was the dried wet marks on the page. I ignored the voice telling me to stop where I was and pretend I never saw anything, but I just had to read it. It wrote:  
  
'Journal from Hell,  
  
Yes, that's what I'm calling you now. Mao called me today, asking how I was(she knew about Kai and me), ever since Kai...left. She also asked how well her little 'gift' was, meaning you, stupid piece of crap. Anyway, I told her I was fine, and then we got into a fight; she was whining about how I don't have to be such a jerk to her and that I ought not to take my anger out on her, that's why she got this for me in the first place. But fuck! Does she seriously expect this to help?! It just reminds me of Kai, fuck everything reminds me of that hot bastard. There I go again, I should seriously start going to rehab or some kind of therapy, maybe it'll help me sanity level, which seems to go further down the tube everyday. I haven't eaten in a few days, everytime I try to, I can't keep it down. I don't even remember the last good sleep I got. Depression sucks, note to self: go buy some prozac.  
  
Anyway, now I've screwed myself over, succeeding in scaring Mao off, even though she was the most annoying thing that ever plagued the earth, she was there to listen at times when all I could do is cry. And now, I think the other guys are catching on that something's wrong. I really hope not, it's hard enough to hide the fact that I'm 'different', nevermind that a certain secret relationship got totally fucked up. It's probably my fault anyway, maybe I was just too high maintainence or something, or he just had to get on with his life, like I was holding him back from achieving his goals.  
  
Well must go now... I think I need a new pillow to sob on, and some prozac... and some hot chocolate....fuck.... thinking about 'him' again. Shit not this again... I'm going to find some permanent way to stop crying one day, and that 'Kai- like' ability to show no emotion, but I've gotten this far.  
  
Sincerely, The Fool (Kon Rei) '  
  
(I can't feel the way I did before)  
  
(Don't turn your back on me)  
  
(I won't be ignored)  
  
(Time won't heal this damage anymore)  
  
(Don't turn your back on me)  
  
(I won't be ignored)  
  
*~*~*  
  
Shit!  
  
I cursed as I realized what I was doing now, what was I doing? I was spying that's what I was doing. I can't believe this, I fucked up the relationship, betrayed Rei's trust, abandoned him for my own selfish ambition and now I'm spying through his personal thoughts. He's too good for me. The guilt made me sick, maybe I should end it all.  
  
I blinked away any visible emotion from my eyes, as I shut the journal, and put it down carelessly. I raked my fingers through my hair as I threw myself back on the bed, welcoming the darkness that followed as my eyes closed. And all I could think was: Fuck.  
  
*()*()*()*  
  
It was almost three o'clock by the time we left the store, and all I could think was, 'What a bloody waste of time!' I couldn't help but grin though, Tyson..... was certainly one of a kind, though I cannot see the attraction with him and Max, I mean it's obvious they like each other, well I know certainly Max likes him, but as for why, I could not figure out. It was one those things that happens without rhyme or reason. You couldn't help it, there was something you were so drawn to and it made sense to you, but try to explain it to someone else and it comes out as incoherent blabber. It simply didn't add up.  
  
Max however, managed to keep me from getting too annoyed, I know I'm supposed to be the calm reserved one, but lately my emotions have just been so messed up, I guess no one knows what I'll do now. I suppose I've lost my quality of predictability, guess that's what happens when you hang around someone so unpredictable...... or at least did. 'Shut up shut up shut up,' I thought repeatedly to myself, 'Gotta be strong, can't cry my life away.'  
  
I pushed my bangs back for the hundredth time, trying desperately to tuck them behind my ears, unfortunately some of them are too short to do that. I guess that's what happens when you try to cut your own hair...... let's just say, I've never liked hairdressers.  
  
As we clambored onto the crowded, smelly bus, I stood against one of the pole supports and held on. My gaze drifted from the various people residing with my friends and I on the public bus, and wondered what their lives were like. Perhaps not really unlike mine and the other Bladebreakers; I mean we all have quirks and talents, even if it's something as simple as being able to eat inhumane amounts of food, or having a large amount of tolerance or a strong, unbreakable heart.  
  
My gaze drifted again, noting the dark rain clouds fast approaching outside the window. We're probably going to get soaked. I mean we've still got to walk from the bus stop to home. As we went from bus stop to bus stop, Max tugged on my bound hair, and ushered me to sit down beside him. I gave him a small smile, and sat.  
  
"Penny for your thoughts?" he asked curiously.  
  
"Nothing, just thinking. What do you think we'll do once we're finished being the 'Bladebreakers'? I mean what'll we do afterwards?"  
  
The fair blond scratched his chin in thought, before responding, "Well, we'll probably split apart for awhile, then we'll go to college or university, find really great jobs, become rich," he added with a grin. "And then find each other years later, confess our love to our first crushes, get married and live happily ever after."  
  
I grinned and just shook my head, "I wish life were that perfect."  
  
I gazed out the window and noted the heavy raindrops splashing outside, and the rumble of thunder in the near distance. Suddenly I felt worried about something, I'm not sure what, but it just kind of snuck up on me. I felt a great loss, but I no idea what it was about. I shook the eery thought out of my head, 'Just be calm,' I thought.  
  
Max glanced at me, and grinned, "So, you're gonna kick Kai out yourself? 'Sure you don't want any help? I'm sure Tyson wouldn't pass up the opportunity, eh Tyson?"  
  
Tyson was currently cradeling his cereal box, as he spied around at the intruding company in the crowded bus. But hearing Max's voice brought him out of his reverie.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"I said, you wouldn't mind getting Kai out of Rei's room would you?"  
  
"Nah, sure I'll help," he said with a grin.  
  
I shook my head again, "It's fine, thanks though."  
  
It was 3:30 by the time we finally arrived. I slipped off my shoes and placed them neatly along side the others'. I shivered involuntarily and rubbed my cold hands together. As the other two went into the kitchen, Tyson claiming it was what he termed as 'lupper'(between lunch and supper), I made my way tip-toeing up the stairs. I was pretty sure Kai had cooled down by now, I think I'd be able to talk to him now.  
  
I padded down the gloomy hallway, and pressed my hands along the door. I opened it quietly and peeked through the small opening. I heard the soft noises of Kai's breathing, and saw the dark figure on the bed. He was asleep! That was weird, he wasn't one to settle down for a catnap. He must've been really tired, or stressed out or worried about something.  
  
I bit my lip, what would he be concerned about? Maybe he really was sorry, maybe Max was really right, not that I thought him a liar, but Kai on the verge of tears is as unbelievable as Tyson not being hungry. I wandered in, and quietly circled the sleeping figure. He looked so angelic. You never thought he could be hurtful or cold when he was in this state of total relaxation, that deep sleep.  
  
I looked around at the disarray of the room, guess that's what he'd been doing all day. I began picking up the things lying about, when I noticed a couple of photos on the floor. They were the ones in my journal. What were these doing out? Kai never goes into my things.......no he wouldn't, we had an agreement, or before at least we did, he wouldn't. No.  
  
My journal was out. It was opened to a recent page. Namely my journal was out! NO! I couldn't believe it, my journal was out, Kai was the only home, and my journal wasn't out before I left. He read my journal! That was private!  
  
He betrayed my trust! My knees wobbled, this was too much, and I collapsed in a heap on the floor. Moments later. I heard a ruffling, through my silent tears, and turned to see Kai's confused face. It was cute, but I was too distraught to note it. I turned away as he came closer and placed a pale hand on my shoulder. He was warm.  
  
"You're cold," he said, feeling the coolness of the rain that had chilled me.  
  
"So are you," I retorted sniffling.  
  
He scrunched up his features, and looked down at the floor, until his eyes landed on what I was holding in my hand. My journal. My betrayed trust. I glared at him as he looked back into my eyes, and instead of doing what I'd expected, his eyes softened and he stood.  
  
He stumbled into the washroom and remained there. 'Good,' I thought, 'Like a time out.'  
  
I collapsed on to the bed, breathing in and cursing his scent that lingered still, and rubbed my temples. How did this happen? How did it get so far that I couldn't fix it?  
  
I've always been able to fix anything, to do with relationships that is, but this, it's like it spiraled even out of my control.  
  
I grabbed at my journal I'd tossed on the night table, and flipped through the pages. One of my newest entries, a week old. It was the one that was creased, I suppose that's what he must've read, and seen the pictures of course, but those didn't bother me so much.  
  
I read through my breached journal entry and sighed. Maybe I should be the one to forgive and forget. I glanced out the window, the hard rain mesmorizing as it fell from the gloomy, grey sky. I pulled a warm duvet blanket over me, shivering slightly and allowed my eyes to close.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/n: Well hope this was okay, probably one of the longest chapters as of yet, and the next will most likely be the longest and probably the last. Thank you everyone for all the wonderful reviews of the previous chapters, I really appreciate them! I will respond to all your reviews in the next chapter hopefully, because unfortunately certain EVIL computer sites will not allow me to access the search or any other damned part of my friggin FILE, so I can go over all my reviews * coughcoughff.netcoughcough *. I'm SO sorry I can't reply in this chapter, but thank you so much for all your reviews, I really really appreciate them, and I will definitely reply to them in the next chapter. I hope this update was okay, as for the story, yes I've made sure it was angsty, but I am certainly not fond of sad endings nor am I of unfairness * hint hint *. Lol, thanks again, please R&R! ^_^ Love you guys! BTW: Does anyone want another story after this, like a third part of the story, or should I just end it off in this fic? Maybe if I make a goal to update at least once a week? It's just I just realized how much I drew out this down-part of the relationship, and I could bring it back together more fully in another fic, and not just end this one off with, 'they both said sorry and lived happily together ever after.' Well lemme know what you think please.  
  
Keisan 


	5. Lost love and New Beginnings

Faint  
  
A/n: FINAL chapter! Yes I'm slow! Oh and I want to thank my friend StarryNightObsession for bugging me into update, hehe...thank you! And everyone else should thank her too. Not to mention the beautious summer holiday....yes it's a word, I just created it. This chapter will be the last, however....okay I'm not gonna spoil it, I'll tell you after it's done. Hehehe. Hope you enjoy this chapter.  
  
()()()  
  
I gazed at my pale reflection in the mirror and pounded my fist in the side of it. Everything was so messed up, and I wish for once it hadn't been Rei. He didn't deserve this, it wasn't his fault, and he was the one hurting. I vaguely wondered who else it could have ever been.....maybe Tala at one time, but even he didn't deserve any of this shit I created. I rubbed my temples in thought, trying to figure out what to do, I needed some advice; I was lost.  
  
Decidedly, I turned on the cold water tap and splashed my face quickly. I dried myself and crept quietly out of the bathroom door. I could hear Rei's soft breathing, and tiptoed out of the room. I think he needed some time, but I think maybe we both needed time apart. I packed a small bag of my things (enough for a couple of weeks at least), scribbled a note to the others informing them I'd return soon, and headed out.  
  
The rain had stopped and the clouds were rolling overhead quietly revealing the brilliance of stars that had been covered. The air smelt warm with the breath of spring impatiently wanting to arrive. As I'd walked I considered my thoughts, was I running away again? I decided I wasn't, because if I were I wouldn't have known where I was going. Then I wondered at that, where was I going? I was giving Rei some space, I wasn't sure how he felt anymore, with what happened and everything. I would train myself, I would train my blade and myself, so I could protect Rei if need be. I knew there lay thick tension between us, I think we were both confused about our feelings, perhaps if I gave him some space to think, all would be well again.  
  
()()()  
  
Golden speckles of light peeked in the windows signalling the beginning of a new day. I wearily opened my tired eyes, glaring at the intruding light, and pulling the blanket over my head once again. It wasn't as warm as it usually was; something was missing. I tossed the covers up a minute later in the frustration, something was missing!  
  
I glanced around the room. No Kai. I looked worriedly over to the bathroom. The door was open. I jumped up and searched the bathroom from the tub and through the cupboards and medicine cabinet. No Kai. I ran to the balcony, still no Kai. I pulled on a random robe lying carelessly on one of the dressers, not realizing it was Kai's.  
  
I flew down the stairs, barely making any noise, and rushed into the kitchen. No Kai. I noticed a note sitting on the table, and picked it up. Kai's neat printing read:  
  
'Bladebreakers:  
  
I have gone to do some private training, resume your own training while I'm away. I have given Rei the schedule (in your bag Rei) and you will complete the training each day. I'm not sure how long I'll be, but I'll be back soon.  
  
Kai.'  
  
I blinked away the tears that seemed to gather in my eyes of their own accord. I honestly didn't know what to think. Was he running away again? From what Kai indicated, I didn't really think so, but perhaps I was wrong again. My thoughts were interrupted by the rest of the team coming down from their sleeping quarters and I brushed away the lingering traces of sadness from my face. I started on breakfast, ignoring the pain in my chest, the pain of heartbreak. My attention was snatched away from my work when a loud yell echoed throughout the kitchen.  
  
"WHAT!?"  
  
It was the non-too-subtle Tyson. I looked over to where he stood, Kai's letter grasped in hand and a scowl settled upon his features. I tried to ignore him and continue with my work.  
  
Apparently after a few minutes he'd left, because Max came up behind me.  
  
"I'm so sorry Rei. I'm so sorry."  
  
I nodded, not looking at him, I thought I might burst into tears at any moment. But I would be strong, just like Kai was, I would be strong too. After all, I doubt he would cry if I were the one to leave.  
  
"Tyson has an idea what happened between you two; he's really pissed off with Kai now."  
  
I nodded again, and waved the blond away so I could finish my work in peace.  
  
(I can't feel the way I did before)  
  
(Don't turn your back on me)  
  
(I won't be ignored)  
  
(Time won't heal this damage anymore)  
  
(Don't turn your back on me)  
  
(I won't be ignored)  
  
I finished making breakfast, and not being very hungry, I left it for the others. Tyson had since come in, quiet, but his appetite was never silenced. He gave me nod and thanks, but I could see the sympathy in his eyes.  
  
"I'm not hungry, I'm going for a walk," I said quietly, without emotion.  
  
Max looked at me, worry in his eyes, "Do you want me to go with you?"  
  
I smiled slightly, "No, I'd like to be alone for now thanks."  
  
With that I left the room. It wasn't until I was almost out the door that I realized I was still in the robe I'd snatched up; it was Kai's. After making my way back to our room, I pulled it off and threw on my regular attire. Tying my hair back carefully, I quickly made my way outside.  
  
It was a cool morning, the sun had since come up, rising high in the sky, making any watchers believe the day would be just as fine. A refreshing breeze followed me to my secret place, that place I scrambled after that butterfly and I recalled Kai watching me quietly. I felt stupid about that childish act, but everything then I suppose seemed so simple, no relationships, no hurt, well maybe, there's always hurt, but not like now. I wondered briefly why Kai left, I mean our relationship was a bit rocky, but I seriously didn't think he was one to give up on such a challenge.  
  
I thought about how I felt about him. I cared a lot about him, maybe that's why I wasn't all that sure he left for good, and that he hadn't given up. Maybe it seemed to be the best option at the time for him, maybe he thought we needed space or something. My reasoning seemed to make sense, but was little comfort for my aching heart. Truthfully, I really missed him and I would've apologized in an instant, but he was gone, and I was responsible. I thought maybe that was weak of me to be almost lost without him, in character at least, but still I think I have right to feel upset and alone. I didn't like that feeling, but it was present as the situation was and had to be dealt with, or forgotten about. I liked neither option, but that's how they were.  
  
I sighed and leaned lazily against the tree. I won't deny that I didn't cry for quite a long time, it sounds weak and pathetic and stupid, but once the waterfalls started they didn't stop. For a long time, I dreamed of my koibito, and those feelings I felt came back each time, but I began ignoring them. I hated myself for it, but I hated myself for being weak even more, so I chose the lesser of the evils and attempted to forget him. Keyword: attempted. Unfortunately they were feelings buried deep, but still there, and made me vulnerable. So a month later when Kai came back to resume our training, I ignored him completely and when I had to speak to him, I would be as cold as he used to be. I felt horrible about acting so cruelly, but it was the only way. I wanted desperately to drop the act and cuddle up to him and tell him how sorry I was and that I could never be happy without him (all of which are true), but I resolved to be indifferent and realistic. We were obviously not all that compatable. At least not at this point in our lives, and a relationship of any sort would lead only to pain.  
  
Four years passed.....  
  
It's been four years since the Russian tournament and since we've been all together as the Bladebreakers. Now at nineteen I still long to live in those days, but now things are different. Kai left once again, deciding his training wasn't of any use to us anymore, we would train with someone else who could teach us more than he could. We still keep in contact, all of us Bladebreakers and even with some of the other teams, some of us more than others. Max keeps in contact mainly with the All Stars, but lives in a flat in Japan with Tyson. Tyson keeps in contact mainly with the All Stars and most of the other beyblade teams we met. Kai sent us letters and mentioned he kept in contact with the Demolition Boys', apparently he also lives in Russia with Tala and Bryan. He also says he's ditched living with his grandpa, even though in doing so he gave up the mansion. Kyouji lives with Emily in America and keeps in contact with mainly us and the All Stars. And I live alone in Japan in a flat, I prefer it that way, I really didn't want to live with any of my teammates. However, that didn't stop Max and Tyson coming over nearly every day to bug me into going out with them, they claimed I needed sunlight and I was getting too pale, soon I'd resemble Kai. The thought made me grin wryly, but I usually declined their offers; I hated being a third wheel and preferred to be by myself with my thoughts anyway.  
  
I don't think I ever truly gave up on Kai, but I won't again chance being with him. When I was cold to him, my chest would ache and later when I was alone, I would cry for my lost love. He was merely a beautiful thing to be admired, like a celebrity, there could be no real relationship. I became so depressed, my friends (Max and Tyson) were convinced I needed to get out and find someone new, get a new perspective with someone I could be happy with. Well those were Max's observations anyway, Tyson was just there to put Kai down, and then Max would tell him to stop and they would get in an argument. After they established not speaking to each other, I would step in and tell them they weren't really mad at each other, and soon they would forgive and forget and go off to make out.  
  
I sat on my down-filled comforter, and tapped my sketching pencil on the drafting board on my lap. I needed something for my fine arts class I was taking at the local college. I'd always kept up my artwork all the years I was Beyblading, and was pursuing it now in college, possibly as a career. I had a job as a waiter at a fancy Chinese restaurant and I drew commissions for advertising agencies, those were basically my main sources of income. Most of the time I was stark broke, but I still managed to get by. Besides, if I ever became desperate financially, I could always move in with Max and Tyson; they'd given me numerous invitations. Max was going to university to become a doctor, and Tyson worked in the local diner as a chef.  
  
I was startled as the phone rang, loudly I might add, and I groaned as my poor ears kept ringing. I picked up the portable quickly.  
  
"Moshi moshi," I said into the receiver.  
  
"Hey Rei!"  
  
It was Tyson.  
  
"Hi, what's up?"  
  
"Oh nothing, Max and I were just having an argument."  
  
I sighed heavily, "Tyson, don't be so bossy, and tell Max to chill out. Now apologize and make-up."  
  
"Nooooo! It wasn't about our relationship or anything. I just got fired today and Max insists that it's my own fault. Who's right?"  
  
"Tyson!!! I knew becoming a chef was a bad idea for you, you've gotta stop eating the customers' food, otherwise you'll keep getting fired! This is the fourth job in a row, c'mon Tyson, you've gotta know what you're doing wrong by now. As for who's right, I didn't want to take sides, but I have to say that Max is right."  
  
"Awww c'mon Rei! You know I can't help it! Anyway, I have another interview next week, I know I can keep that job. Nobody likes working at the place 'cause they say there's a ghost in the basement. Max doesn't want me to work there, he's afraid the ghost might eat me or something."  
  
I laughed, "Well that'll be interesting, can't wait to see how you make out with that. Let me know 'k? And tell Max not to worry—"  
  
"I did! But he doesn't believe me!"  
  
"Tell him: I said you'll be okay and he should have more faith in his boyfriend than that," I said with a laugh.  
  
"Okay and another thing. Max and I are going out tonight, you have to come! You never go out! You're going to wither away and lose all your colour!"  
  
"Too late."  
  
"More so then you already have!!! Pleeeeaaaaase!"  
  
I sighed, "Okay fine, but only for a little bit, I'm not staying out all night. By the way, where are we going?"  
  
"Oh that's a surprise. Dress nice though, for a night on the town. See you at nine!"  
  
"No wait!"  
  
But he already hung up. I ground my fist into my bed, but mulled the thought over for a minute and sighed. I would go wherever they ended up taking me but I wouldn't have ANY fun!  
  
That night I had the greatest time ever, I grinned as I recalled discovering we were headed to a gay bar (the two obviously knowing my preference), and nearly left right then and there. Max and Tyson had to hold me back and convince me to let loose for once. I reluctantly agreed, and ended up having the time of my life.  
  
After going there a few more times, I'd gathered enough phone numbers to start my own city phone book, at least I thought so. Max and Tyson made fun of me for quite a while after that. I seriously didn't understand why every guy I met was eager to hang with me as long as possible, and there were a LOT of guys that I met, or rather guys that just came up to me when I walked in. Soon I was grinding to the variations of techno music that echoed throughout the place with a partner or two and wouldn't leave the place till they closed at about three in the morning.  
  
I asked Max about why people there seemed to flock to me as soon as I walked into the door, and he just blushed and mumbled. I asked him again, and he told me to look in the mirror more often. That confused me, so he told me bluntly, "You're hot. You're REALLY hot!" I blushed immediately shocked and mumbled a 'thank you'.  
  
After calling a couple of the phone numbers I received, I had some dates, I went on them but none of the guys seemed to be for me. Max told me at least I was giving it a shot and that reminded me of that hurt I experienced so long ago and the feelings I still retained. I convinced myself I needed to get over that stage of my life and finally meet someone who I more or less liked.  
  
He was tall with messy dark emerald hair and blue tips, reminding me of Kai, almost, with the two-toned hair. His eyes were a deep aquamarine blue, with a unwavering gaze and contagious light of happiness. He was well built and had a contagious smile, even though it was rare that he did smile. I thought about how happy I was with his personality as well. He was charming, and mysterious, and a very good listener. His name was Akira. He moved in a few months later and we got along great. We agreed to even out the chores and it seemed so perfect, I felt like we were the perfect couple. We both liked to read, go out in the evenings, hang out with Max, Tyson and some of his friends as well, and although we hadn't slept together, he never pressured me to. He sometimes reminded me of Kai, with his mysterious qualities and rare smiles, but our relationship was almost never rocky. We shared each other's secrets and former love lives. We even discussed marriage, and although it was brief, he proposed a couple months later. I turned him down, not disclosing the feelings I still harboured for a certain two-tone blue-haired former-Bladebreaker, but did not throw away the entire marriage idea completely. I told him I needed time to think about it. I wanted to finish school first and then I would consider it.  
  
Now I've reached my final year of school, I have eight more months to consider this big change in my life, and everything I will lose and gain by doing this. I believe I love Akira, though not as much as I loved Kai. Kai was my soul-mate. I loved him more than life itself (yes I know that sounds cliché). I realize now that he's long gone, but I don't know if I can really take this step if I still feel those feelings for Kai. I don't know what to do now; I'm at a crossroads in my life, and Kai isn't here to lend me some of that advice he always gave to me. I'll have to see what the future brings, perhaps our paths will cross again, perhaps not. Only time will tell.  
  
I can't feel  
  
I won't be ignored  
  
Time won't heal  
  
Don't turn your back on me  
  
I won't be ignored  
  
Fin.  
  
PLEASE READ FOR INFORMATION!  
  
A/n: There you go guys! Lol, so sorry for the long wait, I hope it was worth it.... Sort of.....or at least I hope you don't despise me for it. I'm finally on summer holidays, and now must contemplate future ambitions as my final year of high school approaches. But between these 'contemplations' I will write, that's certain, as it's hopefully one of my interests that'll keep up through my whole life, and I'll actually make some money through it. Not through fanfics that is (making money), but through my own novels. At least that's what I'm hoping. Anyways, I doubt any of you care to hear about that so I'll tell you my plan for this trilogy. 'Numb' was the first story, this one here you've read 'Faint' was the second story, so this being a trilogy, you can expect another fanfic to complete this lengthy story. As I said before, I am fond of angst, and although sometimes I want something more than a happy ending for a story, this will not be a sad story, all will not be lost, and Kai and Rei aren't over forever. That's the only hint I will give for the next fic preceding this one, but it was an idea I received from the infamous StarryNightObsession so thank her for this continuation. I'm not sure what song I'll use for the next fic but you can bet it'll likely follow the pattern I've gone with for the previous two. Hopefully the next fic will be up soon, I've already began it, so don't worry about me procrastinating to do that.  
  
In closing, thanks so much for your support throughout my fics and I hope you guys keep it coming. I write for myself and for you, but it's your support that keeps me motivated. Thanks so much! 


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